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Wednesday, 11 November 2009

  • Water fast: 52 hours down

    HOURS:
    1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 (6am)
    16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 (5pm)
    27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 (4am)
    38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 (3pm)
    49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 (2am)
    60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 (1pm)
    71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 (12pm)
    82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 (11am)
    EDIT: 48 hours on nothing but water. This is probably turning out to be the longest fast i've ever done... and quite honestly i love it. Still going... maybe i can make another day? I'm cooking dinner for the family so it'll look like i ate before my mum gets home... i know, i know - i feel like a horrible person, but i have to do it. I might break it with a piece of fruit tomorrow morning but then have nothing else all day... i'm not sure. I really don't wana break it but i get dizzy everytime i stand up.
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    M <3 

  • Tired..

    So i'm almost at 50 hours of water fasting now... I did intend to have some salad or something for dinner today, but i just can't bring myself to. I feel fine - in fact i think i can make it to dinner tomorrow... if not dinner on Friday. I'll make sure to break my fast with nothing but a piece of fruit or plain raw veggies, and not much at all, then i'll start a new fast again. I really did want to start healthy eating and all... but i forgot how much of a hold this has on me. And how hard it is to stop once i start. I duno, i guess i'll see how i feel when i eventually break my fast =\
    Oh, and i just cooked dinner for my family but i didn't have any. I know this is really stupid but i'm just going to have to dirty a plate and leave it in the sink so that they don't know i'm lying when i say i ate. I feel horrible. But if i don't then i'll have to eat, and that's not an option for me right now. I'm back down to almost 62 and i want to continue fasting until i get back into the 50's (where i was before i started trying to be healthy), then i might consider just restricting severely.
    tumblr_krbh7amYo21qzdu07o1_500
    Love you alllllll :)
    M <3 

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

  • Didn't get the job...

    Pretty self explanatory... i'm clearly not good enough. ...Anyway, i don't wana talk about that.
    Today was good, i didn't eat at all and i don't intend to. I really can't explain just how much better my mood is when i'm fasting. I'm so glad i'm finally back on track and i never want to get off track again. I'm scared that if i start eating again i won't stop, so i'm happy just fasting and restricting forever. I don't know how long i can hide this from my family though, they'll realise eventually, and i'm not the best liar. I just can't wait to be out of the 60's again and into the 50's - back to where i was before i screwed up. I think if i keep up fasting i can do it within a week :) Then i'll have to work harder to get lower and eventually into the 40's.
    EDIT: Ohh my brain feels like mush i can't thinkkkkk. And i have exams next week dammit :( Think i'll just go sleep instead... Ohhh, fine. i'll attempt a bit of study but if i can't think, i'm sleeping.
    tumblr_krasjtMSq71qa298qo1_500
    M <3 

Monday, 09 November 2009

  • before pic 09.11.09 64kg/141lbs

    Photo0201
    Ugh i'm such an idiot for having gained weight back after i was getting so close. Just means i have more weight to lose now, but it's okay cos i can do it. I think it all kinda got screwed up when i stopped being vegan, so i think i'm better off being mostly vegan :) I'll post a progress pic every 4kg i lose! Next progress pic at 60kg, even though i was already 60 two months ago, but itll help motivate me. :) What do i need to work on? You can criticise as long as you're nice lol
    M <3

  • ED bracelets

    So i fixed my old EDNOS bracelet (pink beads with a white butterfly) and made a new one (pink beads with a dragonfly charm) and i wear them with my bracelet from the butterfly foundation. I'm going to wear them all the time now. And i'm also wearing a green jelly one cos i'm currently fasting. :)
    -- Do any of you have an ED bracelet?
    Here's a list of what they mean (although they vary):
    Red: Anorexia
    Purple: Bulimia
    Pink: EDNOS (eating disorder not yet specified) 
    Green: fasting at that time
    Black: Self Injury 
    Blue: Depression 
    If you're recovering then you just add a white bead.
    P.S. fast is going well, i feel better already. And i joined a challenge :)
    z205036817
    Love M <3 

About Me

  • You can call me M. I'm not happy with the person i've become. I've had issues with eating since i was younger than 12 and have been EDNOS on and off. I've gone from 72 kg to 62 kg and now i'm trying to get to 48 and i WILL get there. Oh, and i have basically no self esteem left. I feel down sometimes for no reason but usually cos i'm fat. Add me, subscribe to me, i don't bite :) P.S. i DON'T need you telling me that what i'm doing is wrong, or that i'm hurting myself... Do you think i'm a fucking idiot? I'm not stupid. I get good grades at school, and i KNOW that this is bad for me. I already know i need help, and so i don't need you to tell me that. If you don't like what i'm doing to myself, then don't add me. Simple.

I want to weigh:

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72 kg [x]
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