Wednesday, 03 June 2009
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Think about this, i'd like to hear your thoughts
One of the reasons we do this is because we don't want to be controlled by food, right?
but... when we're counting every calorie, and hating ourselves when we eat, aren't we being controlled by food?
----------------------------------------------------
I really did some thinking today. I decided i'm not ready for 2468 or abc yet, because they're incredibly unhealthy. If my friends knew i was only going to have 200 calories today they'd think i'm crazy.
I decided i'd like to take one more shot at being healthy, before i go back to ruining my body like i do. This means, i'm not longer going to post intakes, just an update on whether i did well or not, because you may think i'm a pig if i eat 1200 calories, but that's healthy. I don't want to feel guilty about how much i eat anymore. It's about what i eat. If it's 1200 calories of healthy food then that's great, but if it's 1200 calories of crap, then that's not good. Am i making any sense?
I was in a really thoughtful mood today, and i have so much to be thankful for, i need to stop doing this to myself. All these decisions are mine, i made them, i'm in control of my life. I'm smart and pretty (even if i don't believe it alot of the time), i have a loving family, i have awesome friends. I need to do this the right way. If not for me... for them.
Please join me, we need to stop ruining our bodies, there are healthier ways to do it. I know that what i'm doing will make me someone i don't want to be. If i continue along this path of destruction, one day i'll end up in a hospital, or worse - dead. One more shot at being healthy. One more.
I deserve to be happy. No, i don't look like the models and girls in thinspo, but i'm not meant to! I'm meant to look like me, not someone else. I'm unique, there's nobody just like me.
It's true.Love you girls!
I hope i haven't upset any of you with my new thoughts.
--M~
Wow, thankyou all so much for your support. It means the world to me. I've tried my best to reply to every comment, but sorry if i've missed any of you. I read through every single comment, and appreciate every single one.
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Comments (131)
@xje_veux_etre_joliex - thanks love <3
I love this entry & agree with what you said. There is a controlling factor to both lifestyles. In the long run I think it is better to be healthy and fit then temporarily unhealthy and thin. You are beautiful love :) and i think you are doing the right thing.
OMG. You are stunning.. I'm speechless
@jamie1506 - aww thanks hun <3
This is a honestly honestly beautiful post.
I am so so so so so proud that you have realised this hun. You are really really gorgeous, and you DO deserve to be happy.
You are so so right
I'm trying to fix myself too - I've been on this up and down, restrict, binge and then healthy - repeat rollercoaster for so long, but this post makes me want to keep trying to get off..
You are so right with everything you say here, please keep us updated with how you are
I am so glad you are going to give healthy one more try. It inspires me to do the same <3
Wishing you the world babe
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Wowww. I love my repeated words tonight hey?
Well.. I guess you just got me excited haha
xx
@A_Skinny_Wish -
thanks so much love, your comment put a smile on my face :D
we can do this, i know we can! <3
fantastic. the world needs a healthy revolution, not a skinny one. and you are beautiful, lovely big eyes! you look calm in that pic- did you take it after this revelation?
I am totally here for you :) xoxo
i know you can do it the right way. and while i am restricting to 1000 calories, i do believe healthy is the way to go. i could not restrict less than that cuz, yes, i constantly think about food. good for you!
YAYYYYYY!! im so happy for you! im glad that you are trying to do this healthy and be happy and not letting food become everyyyyyyyyyything in your life. && im sure you posting this will help soooo many other girls out there to do the same. =]
-angel
:) You're beautiful (hispanic, by the way?). And the fact that you're thinking this way might be a sign that you're ready for therapy/recovery.
I see it like... we're all drowning in this disease.
And some people are lucky enough to start to resurface.
And when they do, they should grab the life preserver as soon as they see it.
These pro ana sights don't drag people down, they just teach the sinkers how to breathe underwater.
Get it?
You're right.
You do deserve to be happy with who you are.
Happy and healthy.
We all deserve that.
And I think those of us who are still in this, trying to eat as few cals as possible and exercise the majority of the day, don't really want what we know we deserve. Ya know?
I do want to say this:
If you want to be healthy and happy, look into therapy and outpatient programs. It's hard to do it on your own. And even with psychiatric help you could relapse (I did).
It's about much more than self esteem, control, and food.
You have to dig up your own unique issues if you want to fix them.
Good luck.
I really, really hope you can do it.
<33
@aalyceh - thankyou love :) no, i took this pic at a family gathering, i'm always happy at family gatherings :D
@trixxie_pixxie - thanks! <3
@xtimetoshinex - thanks love :)
@yourbonesmakemerandy - aww thankyou, no i'm not hispanic. I'm Egyptian, bet you'd never guess it :P
and i don't think i could ever go into therapy because i'm not 'serious' enough, i'm not bone thin or anything. i've had too many let downs by counsellors already that i feel i can't trust them. After starting to see one in yr 9, then another one that same year, and a completely different one in year 10, and now nobody. I felt like they just kept passing me on to someone else.
Fantastic post! You're stunnin! xO
thats great. well done on getting better. so pretty anyway!
@xlsuperlx - @i_heart_thin_x -
aww thanks girls <3
this was inspiring, I'm so glad you posted it, I really needed this!
Great post. There is nothing better than not only being healthy, but actually feeling healthy as well. That is where self-hatred ends and life begins. I'm glad for you and hope you stick to it.
You truley are right in what you're saying and I really hope you're strong enough to keep it up!
i'm proud of you <3
this is a great post. i wish you the best of luck.
I love this!
well done. i came by from featured, i don't even know you, but to see this made me smile. :) goodluck with everything. <3